


One step at time

by TrizTMarshall



Series: This is a Benthan safe corner [6]
Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Acceptance, Anger, Bargaining, Basically a lot of joy, Denial, Depression, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft spy boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-12-29 21:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrizTMarshall/pseuds/TrizTMarshall
Summary: Benji participates to a mission in Copenhagen, but it ends up in the worst way possible. It is up to Ethan to break the wall of silence that Benji built and deal with him what happened, one step at time.He put the phone at the entrance before to go to the kitchen and he convinced himself to enjoy that quiet period between a mission and another one: now there were only him - he thought watching in his almost empty fridge - the place he kept to call home and, why not?, also...Enjoy!





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Just a warning: English is not my first language, so if you find some mistakes in this fic, please tell me.  
> Well, I hope you enjoy this little story.

**CHAPTER ONE**

**DENIAL**

 

 

Ethan closed the door and sighed wearily.

He put the phone at the entrance before to go to the kitchen and he convinced himself to enjoy that quiet period between a mission and another one: now there were only him - he thought watching in his almost empty fridge - the place he kept to call home and, why not?, also ...

The phone ringing called him again to reality and Ethan closed the fridge: «Hello?» he asked, holding back a sigh of resignation.

«Good evening, do I talk to…» a male voice murmured uncertainly: «…Ethan Hunt?».

«Yeah, that’s me. Who are you?».

«I am doctor Campbell, I call you from Memorial Hospital because it seems that you are the emergency contact of a patient of mine».

Ethan frowned.

«Who is your patient?».

«According to the documents he had, his name is Benjamin Dunn».

Ethan fell silent. He gasped at each terrifying scenario he had in his mind where Benji was the protagonist: London, Berlin, Kashmir and now… Now?

«He… What happened to him?».

«He had a car crash».

«A… What? A Crash? But…».

«I am sorry, mister Hunt, but if you know mister Dunn we need your help for some clarifications».

«Some… I…».

Ethan breathed deeply, trying to stop those atrocious scenarios about Benji and to calm himself at the same time.

«Memorial Hospital, you said?».

«Yes».

«I’m coming. Tell him – please, do it – tell him I’m coming, okay?».

Ethan hanged up without waiting an answer from doctor Campbell and he rushed out of the house.

 

*

 

«Agent Hunt».

«Where is he?».

«Agent Hunt!».

«Where – go away! – where the hell is Benji?».

Erica Sloane looked at him inflexibly and Ethan snort from the nose.

«To answer your question, in this moment doctor Campbell is visiting agent Dunn. When he is done, you can see him».

«Great, I will wait».

«When you see him» Sloane continued like Ethan had not spoken: «You have to ask to agent Dunn a detailed report about his mission in Copenhagen».

«I have to what?».

«Three days ago, agent Dunn and his team were sent to Copenhagen, but we have lost contacts with them until the request of rescue and recovery from agent Dunn, last night».

«Why don’t you ask the report to the others of the team, then?».

«There’s no more a team, agent Hunt».

That phrase exploded as a bomb in Ethan’s brain, while too painful memories came back after many years. Ethan passed an hand on his face.

«What did he say?».

«Nothing. After the request of rescue, agent Dunn did not say a word with anyone» Sloane answered, then she took a moment before saying: «I know how much you and agent Dunn are close, so…».

The door of Benji’s room opened and Erica interrupted herself. Ethan waited that doctor Campbell was far, then he turned to Sloane again.

«Can I see him, now?».

«Only if you accept this mission».

«Benji is not a mission».

«Not him, but the recovery of information in his head yes».

Ethan sighed: «Very well» he said tiredly and he came in Benji’s room.

It was so small that Ethan did only two steps to reach the bed: he sat with caution on the edge of the bed and his hands approached to Benji’s banded arm without touching it. The younger’s shiny eyes froze Ethan on his place and he surprised himself to be able to breath.

Ethan can not say anything and hugged Benji softly, caressing his neck in a muted reassurance. However, Benji did not hug him back.


	2. Bargaining

«You can stay til you want, Benji».

The technician opened his mouth in an adorable, childish expression and Ethan smiled. The older one opened the door of the guest room and let Benji in first.

«My room is in front of yours, you see?» Ethan said and pointed the door on the other side of the corridor: «If you need something, you have only to come to me and ask, okay?».

Benji nodded and put his small suitcase on the bed.

«Do you need an help with your things?».

Benji shook his head. The phone Ethan let in the living room rang.

«I am over there, if you change your mind».

However, Benji saw only his bag and did not turn around when Ethan opened the door and reached the living room. The older one read the name who was calling him and snorted before to answer.

«Will».

«Ethan» answered Brandt’s professional voice: «How is he?».

«We came back now from the hospital and, before you ask, Benji did not say a word about Copenhagen, yet» Ethan whispered and, with a look on his back, ensured that Benji was not listening him.

«I was not calling you on behalf of Sloane».

Ethan sighed and scratched his eyebrow.

«Sorry, it is just…».

«I know».

«I am trying, Will, I really am».

«I know this, too».

«I don’t want to put him under pressure».

«So don’t put him under pressure, then».

Ethan’s half smile disappeared at the noise of steps behind him.

«I have to go».

«He is there, is he?».

«Yes».

«Greet him for me, then».

«I will do it, hi».

Will closed the call and Ethan turned to Benji.

«Hey, did you do?».

Benji nodded and raised a shoulder, then he lowed his eyes on the fingers he wringed nervously.

«What’s up?».

Benji let fall his hands along his sides with a sigh. Ethan saw him looking apprehensive at the phone.

«It was Will, he wanted greet you».

Benji nodded once, but he kept to look at the phone. Ethan gave it to him.

«You can call him, if…».

Benji boggled when Ethan’s fingers reached him on the shoulder and he went far of a step. Ethan frozed for a while, then he avoided Benji’s mortified face when he took back the phone.

«It does not matter, Benji».

Benji tightened his lips.

«No, really, let it go. It will be for another time».

Benji made a face and swallowed. He stiffened when Ethan wanted to touch him on his shoulder, but this time he did not shrink back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so tell me if you noticed some errors and I will correct them.


	3. Anger

«Good morning, Hunt».

Ethan held back a swear with a snort: «I am glad to hear you too, you know» said the voice on the other side of the phone.

«What do you want, Mahoney?».

«The same thing I wanted yesterday at this time. Did the Voice sing, lately?».

Ethan tightened his lips: «Not yet» he answered.

«No news, I understand».

«I already said to you that it takes time, Mahoney, so stop to make me pressure».

«You repeat the same song since weeks and you did not do any progress» Mahoney said coldly : «So, make a move with Dunn or the office of Internal Affairs will do it. My office will do it».

«What would you say?».

«I am saying that the higher plans are tired to wait you. If tomorrow Dunn will not say what he did in Copenhagen, it will mean that I think about it».

«What happened in Copenhagen was not Benji’s fault».

«How did you know it? Did he say anything to you?».

«And were you there, Mahoney? I don’t think so» Ethan said and tightened his hold on the phone: «Your office is not necessary, I think about Benji».

«Yes, sure».

Ethan closed the call and put violently the phone on the table. He snorted frustately and brought his fingers to the temples, like he wanted to put them in his brain and take away what tormented him: Mahoney, Copenhagen, Benji that did not say a word since weeks…

Something touched him on his shoulder and Ethan turned around to catch it.

«Ah, that’s you».

Benji’s mouth was lightly open, his blue eyes that went from Ethan to his hand tightened around his own wrist. Ethan let him go with a sigh.

«I woke you up, didn’t I?».

Benji smiled a bit and he rubed the wrist.

«I am sorry».

Benji stretched his fingers towards Ethan’s chest, but he rethought about it and put them far away. Ethan took Benji’s hand softly and kissed his fingertips.

«You are safe, here» Ethan whispered and brought Benji’s hand to his chest: «Remember it, Benji, alright?».

Benji did not answer, but he scratched slowly on his t-shirt and Ethan decided that it will be sufficient. They did not a move until a low rumble made them smile.

«Ah, someone is hungry, here» Ethan murmured and pinched Benji’s belly: «Let’s have breakfast, come on».

«I prepare».

They both winced to those hoarse words. Ethan let Benji’s hand and he tightened his lips scratching his neck, then he smiled.

«Okay, Benji» Ethan said and kissed him on his cheek.

 

*

 

It was 22.34.

Ethan sighed and look away from the clock to watch the last minutes of a movie he and Benji rented that afternoon. Benji snored on his shoulder and Ethan touched his hand, wishing that calm moment could last forever: the deep breath Benji took to wake up remembered to Ethan what he had to say to him since the call of Mahoney of that morning.

«Benji, tomorrow morning we have to go to the IMF headquarter».

Benji’s sleepy eyes became careful.

«Mahoney will question you about the mission in Copenhagen».

«But…».

Benji became silent. Ethan took his hand and tightened it.

«Mahoney is a pain in the ass, I know, but I will be out of the door, alright? You scream and I will enter to stop him».

Ethan smiled, but Benji did not do the same. With a slight tug he freed himself from Ethan’s hold and he stood up.

«Benji».

However, Benji went until the guest room without answering. Ethan waited he closed the door and he passed an hand on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same thing as before.  
> English is not my first language, so if you notice some errors, please tell me and I will fix it.  
> Thank you for read it <3.


	4. Depression

_He was not quick enough._

_Ethan went to the cabin after a lot of time – too much for who was trapped there. His hands trembled, but he kept to held the gun._

_«Ethan!»._

_The older agent opened the door with a kick and went in. The heart beated so loud that he barely hear the crunch of the axises under his feet._

_«Ethan, help me!»._

_Benji’s voice weakened, but Ethan tried to not think about it. Instead, he kept the direction of the gun and searched in the whole cabin – Benji’s screams went from there, damn it, he must be in that hovel, but he couldn’t see him._

_«Ethan!»._

_He could only hear his voice become more weak, without could do anything to…_

«ETHAN!».

Ethan woke up and took a seat – his arms stretched to aim an invisible gun – and he looked each dark corner of his bedroom, barely recognizing it.

«Ethan, where are you?».

Benji’s voice was weaker and sniveling, too real to be another nightmare. Ethan staggered to the guest room, switching on each light he met.

«Ethan!».

«I’m here, Benji».

«Eth…».

The rest of his name was suffocated in Ethan's T-shirt, while his fingers softly stroked Benji’s hair. The younger one held slightly on the shirt and Ethan sniffed.

«I’m here, Benji» Ethan whispered again later, his voice which trembled in Benji’s ear: «You are safe».

Benji trembled and Ethan stroked his back, letting on his temple a long kiss for each stifled sob.

«Whatever is happened, now it can not hurt you anymore, okay? Now you are here and you are safe» Ethan whispered at each kiss. He stayed on the bed near to Benji until he noticed that the stifled sounds were not sobs.

«Benji?».

Ethan went a bit far and convinced Benji to rise his face with a slight touch on his cheek. His hoarse voice was spitting everything was happened in Copenhagen, like those disconnected sentences about his team's death were poison he had to get rid of as soon as possible.

Ethan did not dare to interrupt him, fearing that otherwise that voice will go off forever: he kept instead to kiss him and to touch each inch of naked skin, holding tightly every time Benji sobbed his apologizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done! Next week I will post the last chapter.  
> As usual, if you find some errors, please tell me and I will fix them soon.


	5. Acceptance

Benji woke up with a deep breath, but he did not open his eyes.

He focused on his breath to sleep again, but apparently his mind decided that he did not deserve it. He tiredly sighed – he did not want to think again about Copenhagen, surely not after he constrainted Ethan to listen what happened – and he covered his face with both his hands.

Something – someone – stretched against him and Benji opened his eyes.

Ethan’s head leaned against Benji’s chest and his hand ascend along it until to reach the shoulder. A grimace troubled him for a moment, then he groaned and snapped his tongue against the palate, keeping to sleep.

Benji smiled and touched Ethan’s cheek, wishing to tell him how he felt lucky and grateful to have him by his side and how much he loved him for this. He gathered that gratitude and that love in the kiss he left on his forehead and closed his eyes, lulling himself with the breath of the other one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand this is the end!  
> I thank you so much for reading this small fic! See you soon!


End file.
